I'm afraid of cockroaches
by AthenaInAvalon
Summary: "A roach, Timmy? Are you afraid of a roach?"


_**Credits for my beta reader: Floracat**_

_**I'm afraid of cockroaches.  
**_  
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEE!

You must be asking yourself, why the hell is this little brat screaming? Is it a killer? A rapist? A robber? An alien? No, it's worse. It's a… roach.

What are you laughing at? You're not the one who's alone, without godparents. The one damn day that Poof was called in by the principal. But to justify myself, it is a big, disgusting mutant that's stalking me. OK, now you think I'm crazy. But when I tried to run out of my room, it landed on my door, motherfucker! And now I'm in the position that you see: on the bed almost crying in fear.

The good thing is, it had landed on my closet door. The bad thing is, all my magical paraphernalia was there. I could not kill that Hitler with wings unless I got closer. That will never happen, no chance.

I'm alone on this mission, and I never thought this day would come, but I had to resolve my problem without magic. That's so hard to say. I wished Poof was here, he loves playing with insects. There's something about listening to a roach's wings being plucked that made my little brother jump for joy.

Maybe if I used that self-help book that was on my dresser, I could call Chester. He would have a new pet and I wouldn't be killed by that monster. Everyone would be happy.

But it seems like that insect could read thoughts, because the second I leaned over to pick up the book, it flew to the dresser and landed on it. Great, I was surrounded by that cockroach. Well, the only option left was the most humiliating one of all. The good news is my dignity was already destroyed. I had declared myself to Trixie and was "gently" rejected. So…

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEE!

I may have become deaf after this, but there was no time to think about it, for about two seconds later the door was flung open by my arch enemy: Remy Buxaplenty.

"Remy! What are you doing here?" I don't know if I was happy, embarrassed or scared that he was walking down the street near my house at the exact moment that I had cried.

"I was walking and I heard your cry." Him, walking? Why? Did his limo not fit on this street? Well, questions aside, I had my hero. "What happened?"

"I have a... a…" Great. Stutter you idiot. As if the situation was not already embarrassing enough. "A roach on my book." I closed my eyes waiting for the deadly blow that would take away my life. But unless death was painless, I was still alive.

I opened one eye and all I found was my enemy with a raised eyebrow and an amused smile on his delicious lips. Wait, dammit! Focus Timmy! I'm not gay.

"What?" I asked confused, coming out of the defensive position that I just realized I had acquired.

"A roach, Timmy?" He licked his lips and increased his smile. "Are you afraid of a roach?" OK, he said it like I was a little girl, but what he didn't know was that the roach had Dexter's brain, Flash's agility, Superman's strength and Mr. Crocker's evil. That was bad, and he had the goal of dominating the world and capturing our godparents.

"It's not a mere roach!" What? Did I have to defend myself? After all, I was seen as a fool all over town. More shame would not make a difference. And he seemed to get even more fun with the answer, because he smiled more. And that smile... No Timmy, you're not gay! "It's smart, fast, strong and wants to dominate the world!"

All right, he's laughing. Where was it that I overreacted? Maybe in "strong", because roaches are not so strong, despite it having toned muscles in it's brown paws. Ok, but laugh? Since when did Remy know laughter? He is cold, unfeeling, thick, distant, finicky, unkind, quiet, arrogant, beautiful, smart, cool... All right, I stopped.

"It has a height of three centimetres, Timmy!" He continued to laugh as if I was the circus and the clown. Which I actually was, but I would never admit it. I closed my eyes, I was very angry.

I crossed my arms, waiting for the giggles to keep going. It wasn't long before they slowed.

"Ok, Ok," Remy said, gesturing with his hands before wiping the tears in the corner of eyes. Good, he noticed that things have lost their grace, and now he can kill that bloody animal full of paws and save the world. "Where's the roach?"

I pointed to my self-help book. I would not let him hear my voice, I was still upset for being the laughingstock. He looked at the cockroach this time, and he also stopped laughing in my face. Then, surprisingly, he sat down on the dressing table stool with all his charm, stretching his legs. He stared at me with sarcasm.

"What?" I asked, looking at him relaxing on the stool while envisioning the roach. Would it kill him to look now? "What exactly are you waiting for?"

"Courage." I knew it. It was too good to be true. I always knew all the rich kids were pampered and cowardly. No, that's me. But now was Remy also!

"You're not brave?" He's probably never killed a cockroach in his life, because he had employee's who did such a service.

"I'm not waiting for my courage, Timmy, I'm waiting for your's." Great, glad that he was sitting, because he will keep waiting. What is he talking about? I was a helpless maiden, and helpless maidens don't kill the villain, the heroes do. Damn, I am appealing to womanhood. It's like that time Wanda made me into a girl. What a shame.

"What do you mean?" I tapped my foot on my bed, trying to be frightening, but never mind. "You must protect me." Really, Timmy? You didn't say that, not to your enemy.

"From a roach?" He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, when I nodded he rolled his eyes. That damned bastard, idiot, ignorant, stupid, boring, arrogant and beautiful person! Oh, I hate him... And I'm not gay. "Okay, Timmy, I'm not leaving here until you kill the roach." I loved that joke! Really, I'm laughing on the inside.

I looked at my enemy and then looked for the roach. I think we stayed in deadly silence for almost an hour, and neither of us shifted position. Maybe they were communicating psychically to see how long I could stand. Maybe they were planning to get my godparents. Maybe they were friends. My eyes widened, the danger surrounding me on all sides.

I sighed, resigning, and I laid down on the bed quietly. I once read that sudden movements call attention and it makes a snake strike faster. It shouldn't be very different with cockroaches. Remy watched it all, smiling as I walked on tiptoe to my tennis racket in the corner.

I took the tennis racket, in a position to attack, and the roach was unaware. I approached, ready to crush it. But, as I said before, the roach is endowed with huge mental powers and it noticed my intentions. Before I could draw nearer, it attacked me. It came at me with its enormous strength and its throttle paws.

I started screaming and running from side to side in the bedroom, but it followed me, bloodthirsty. I could hear the Remy's laughter start again somewhere, but I had no time to look. I should have looked, because a few seconds later, I tripped over the foot of the dresser and fell on top of him. I looked over him, with the idiot still laughing in this uncontrolled situation. I would get up, but when I looked the roach swooped near my head, forcing me to divert and bringing me further to that mouth that laughed at me.

Strangely, when I did that he stopped laughing, although he still the smiled. Those lips. His eyes looked deeply into mine. Those eyes. And I could feel his breath on my mouth, it was so perfect. No, I'm not gay.

I felt his arm hug my waist and my heart skipped a beat. It seemed like a thousand cockroaches just flew into my stomach, and with his other hand, he touched my face and drew me to that beautiful mouth. I'm gay! I would even be a roach just to have him. I closed my eyes and then I felt for the first time in my life, the enchantment of a first kiss.

And I was dizzy, shaking, warmed and embarrassed by it. And, after all, I did not want stop. It was the best feeling I've ever had in my entire life. Better than the self-help books.

He bit my bottom lip and I opened my lips. I was happy to know that this was what he wanted, because he entered his tongue in my mouth. He sat on the floor and I was on his lap, hugging his neck and I was not letting him go, never again.

But "never again" arrived, and Remy pulled away from my mouth, making me feel like I wanted more. I opened my eyes and I saw his eyes, he was still smiling. I should be blushing like a tomato. What was that?

"You sick bastard." I looked away; my heart was beating so fast that I could hear it echoing. Oh, he was laughing at my face. I would punch him if my arms were not shaking.

I tried to get up, but I noticed that his arms still held me by the waist, sticking our bodies in a delicious fit. My God, I'm losing focus again. Focus. Focus. Focus. But how will I stay focused with that mouth driving me crazy? That damn cockroach left me in this situation- delicious, but embarrassing.

Speaking of the flying monster, where was it? Remy seemed to have thought the same thing as we both turned our faces at the same time to look for a brown spot in the room. And there it was, smiling at us from the window glass of my room. A few seconds later, it was flying aimlessly around Dimmsdale. It was surely going to be a cockroach-cupid in another house.

"So?" Remy's voice came right below me and I felt his breath on my ear as he asked, "Still afraid of cockroaches?"

I looked at him and almost shivered, just looking at that innocent smile. A question was still in my head. Why was he walking through here? Well, I did not care.

"Yeah." Ok, when did I smile like a little girl in love? I really needed to work my masculinity. But it appeared to satisfy my enemy (or former enemy?), because he pulled me into his lap. That made me blush, and he kissed me again.

Maybe it was the start of something, or maybe it was just one of those secrets that he and I would share. But it doesn't matter, Remy was there kissing me passionately. My mind was empty, blank. I really wish other roaches would appear in my room.

_**The End.**_

_**I love romantic comedy, that why my stories are very touchy-feely**_

_**I wanted to give a special thanks to my beta reader, she made this story readable**_

_**And thanks to you who read this far**_

_**Review, please**_


End file.
